"The Second Shift"

1. According to Hochshild, what is the “Second Shift?”

I am very familiar with the “second shift”. The “second shift” refers to the duties a wife or mother(typically) adhere to after a long day of work in the regular workforce. Whether it is cooking dinner, cleaning the house, running errands, taking care of the kids, do the laundry and the list is endless.

2. Briefly describe the story of Evan and Nancy Holt.

Evan and Nancy have been married for 7 years, and are at their wits end concerning their marriage. In their 30s both have full time-jobs and a son, Joey. Nancy is a social worker, who comes home from work and does the majority of the “second shift” work. She cooks, does laundry, takes care of Joey, etc. Evan, a furniture salesman, doesn’t do half as much as Nancy. Evan felt that Nancy could have a job of her own as long as it didn’t interfere with her ability to take care of the family as well. Evan thinks that Nancy should consider cutting back her hours at work so that she can have more time to do the housework. He is the typical chauvinist who feels that he should not have to do any of the housework and gets annoyed when he is asked. Another strain on their marriage is the relationship between Evan and Joey, there isn’t one. And with Joey coming into their bedroom, there doesn’t seem to be much of a “relationship” between Evan and Nancy either.

3. Hochschild argues that families create “myths” about their division of household labor. Describe the family myth created by Nancy and Evan Holt.

Nancy and Evan Holt split their household duties by Nancy doing the upstairs and Evan did the downstairs. The upstairs that Nancy did consisted of the living room, dining room, kitchen, two bathrooms and two bedrooms. The downstairs, or Evan’s work was the garage, which was storage for Evan’s hobbies. Evan also had to take care of the car, the garage and the family dog, Max. The reality of this agreement, is that Evan resorted to doing the things that he already did before this agreement. Things he enjoyed, while Nancy continued to take on the brunt of the housework.

4. According to Hochschild, what is the purpose of family myths?

The purpose of family myths is to eliminate problems, which may drive a couple and a family apart. It is as if you are tricking yourself into believing you have resovled your marital issues. You are ultimately accepting the fact that “it is, what it is” within your marriage. The idea of being content with the decisions you and your spouse have agreed upon, that has had you going around in circles. You agree that this is just the way that it is, because you would rather it be this way, than be divorced.

5. Was this reading surprising to you and why? How do you imagine you will divide family work (including child care) in your own marriage or cohabitation?

I did not find this reading to be surprising at all. This has always been the case in many homes. As I began to reflect within my own marriage I found some similarities and differences. The biggest difference within my marriage is that my husband is the one who takes on the responsibilities of the “second shift”, and he has been for the past 4½ years. We are both in our 30s, my husband is a 4^th grade teacher and I am a mail carrier (both full-time). I have been going to school, for what seems to be forever, and during this time, my husband has had to take on a lot of the household responsibilities. He picks up the kids, does the grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, cooking, helping with homework, and spends more quality time with our boys. I, on the other hand, leave for work, and straight from work head to campus at least 3 times a week. On my off days, I’m doing homework, or trying to just allow my body to relax. Is this scenario fair to him. Absolutely not, but we both know what the bigger picture is. However, although I know I do not do as much as him, I do make sure that when I’m home (and rested…lol) I pitch in. I must admit that I am a bit spoiled, but have been preparing myself for the transition of sharing our household responsibilities. The good thing now, is that our boys are old enough to help around the house, so lately he has been getting somewhat of a break. Concerning our boys, I make sure to listen to how their day went. I’m not always home to go to their football practices, or games (and to be honest, I wouldn’t go as much if I was home…it just isn’t my thing) but I do take out the time to go. But the things we have more in common such as music (one plays the piano, another sings, and the other plays the drums) I’m all in, and in this area, their father doesn’t get too involved because it isn’t his area, as it is with the sports. So I would like to think there is balance when it comes to the kids.

The reality is, that there is no sure way to divide household work, or family responsibilities. At some point or another, someone is going to feel as though they are doing much more than their spouse. And sometimes you must do a “self-check” to ensure you are doing your part, and acknowledging how hard the other person is doing. It doesn’t mean you are not going to bicker a little over this issue (trust me), but it doesn’t have to consume your relationship (trust me). You figure out what works for you…not a “myth”, but what really works for you. For my family, earning my degree works for us…and once I have it and get a job teaching, my husband and I will have the same schedule, and able to share…not split…in the household responsibilities…as well as our children…

Yay!!! For children who can mop and vacuum floors, take out the garbage and do dishes….lol :)

Divorce:

1) Find a newspaper, magazine, or journal article or blog that discusses any aspect of recent research on divorce…then:

A) Provide a full reference for the article in APA format at the top of your blog post. This includes the author name, title of the article, title of the scholarly journal of newspaper/magazine name etc. the title of the article.

APA formatting instruction website

Beech, Hannah (2006, Oct. 30) Breaking up is easy to do. Retrieved (2011, June 29) from http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1552060-1,00.html

This article is about how a woman from Shanghai, China and many women in her country viewed divorce as an exotic American concept. These women abided by Confucian tradition which advises that a virtuous wife should serve her husband like God, no matter what. However, these women have come to realize that they no longer wanted to just exist in a marriage and began to go against the Chinese tradition and file for divorce. The most striking element about the divorce boom in China is that it’s overwhelmingly women who terminate their marriage due to infidelity (by the husband). However, there is still an element that keeps some women in their marriages regardless of the infidelity, “alimony”. Alimony is a new concept that is just beginning to enter Chinese society, so though unhappy in their marriage, some women stay for fear of not being able to provide for their children.

Then, using what you learned from the Readings by Rutter (#16) and Li (#17) in your RISMAN textbook.

B) Describe and then explain what the divorce statistics mean.

Reference both articles to show you have read the chapters. Use your own words, but note page numbers.

It is common knowledge that most unhappy marriages lead toward divorce. Research has shown that men and women in unhappy marriages were 25 times more likely to have serious depression (Rutter,p166). People in unhappy marriages who divorce usually have “psychological advantages” than people who do not leave the unhappy marriage (Rutter,p165). How parent show one another love has a direct effect on the child/children in the relationship. If there is a “lack of love” between parents, there is most likely a less loving relationship between parent and child. The “lack of love” usually results in divorce, and can also create behavior problems in the child (Li, p175-76).

C) Discuss whether or not the research/statistics seem accurate and evaluate the method used or the sample population.

The statistics seem accurate until they are compared with other research statistics. Li used a longitudinal study that measured changes in the behavior of children whose parents were not divorced at the beginning of the study but divorced later (Risman, p175). There are so many factors that influence the results of the research. For example, married women who were victims of domestic violence have higher levels of depression compared to married women in happy relationships (Risman, p166). Also, it is stated that children who parents have bad temperaments, they too would likely have the same temperament. The research would seem more accurate had they included studies comparing other groups, (i.e. children of parents who stayed married during the same time period as the study) When reading research/statistics one should ask did the study include a comparison group and take selection bias into account? Did the researchers measure things carefully? (Risman, p169).

D) How could the research be improved?

There is always room for improvement in all research. Perhaps studying how these children interact in their own marriage, with their children. Are they repeating the patterns of their parents? Extending the research from 8^th grade to high school and onto college, how does divorce affect their interpersonal skills in the classroom, around their peers, and in the work place.

Marriage

1. One example of an ancient marriage from the text is that of Tibet. Prior to the Chinese occupation, a quarter of marriages involved brothers sharing one wife. Individuals didn’t live in couples but rather in clusters with groups of brothers and sisters raising children together. This is different from the “one man, one woman idea” of marriage because in this situation there were two men and one woman living together.

2. Women who seek higher education tend to postpone marriage until their late 20s, into early 30s. This is due to the amount of time it takes to receive their degrees. These women also prefer to seek employment after obtaining their degree before settling down into a relationship or marriage.

Lower and middle class women are also a bit leery toward getting married young due to their lack of economic stability. These women would rather find a steady job before marriage. It is their attempt to economically secure themselves and their relationship.

3. List all the wedding traditions in the clip.

1. Groom couldn’t see bride in her wedding dress before wedding
2. Traditional “white” wedding gown with veil
3. The groom is wearing a traditional Yamaka
4. Taking pictures in the park.
5. Drinking the wine from the churches cup.
6. Putting the ring on the woman’s finger.
7. Breaking of the glass at the end of the ceremony.
8. There was a best man/maid of honor.
9. Veiling of the bride.
10. Traditional salute of bride (the kiss)

Best Man/Maid of Honor:

Traditionally, the best man accompanied the groom as he went to steal his bride away from her family. He stood at his right side for the ceremony to help guard the bride and groom, just in case the bride’s family tried to steal her back. The maid of honor was used as a decoy for the bride. She dressed similar to the bride to confuse anyone who had something against the bride or to confuse any evil spirits that may have wanted to come upon the bride.

Today, we assign these roles to important individuals in our lives such as brother or best-friend for the best-man role and sister or best-friend for the maid of honor role. We want the individual closest to us standing beside us as we make one of the biggest, life altering decisions ever. For my wedding, I chose to have my sister stand beside me as my maid of honor. A tradition I was more than happy to oblige by.

LGBT & Q Families: Families We choose

1) According to the article, the support for gay marriage rose to a little more than 45%. This was big news because in 2004, same sex marriage did not have majority support in any of the states

2) Proposition 8 was an amendment in 2008 for the California Constitution that stated marriage was recognized in California only when it was between a man and women.

Proposition 8 began in 2008 and in August of 2010, a judge in California said that it was unfairly targeting gay men and women. A week later the judge wanted to enforce that it be dropped. August 16, 2010, the US Court of appeals put a hold on it until they can decide on whether or not there should be a ban on same sex marriage.

3 According to the Defense of Marriage Act Amendment website, marriage is between a man and women as a husband and wife. The word spouse refers to someone of the opposite sex and who is the husband or wife.

4) Connecticut became the first state to legalized civil unions in 2005. They legalized gay marriage in 2008. Arkansas passed a constitutional ban on gay marriage in 2004 in addition to a Defense of Marriage Act which means that they will not honor a same sex marriage even if it is considered legal in another state.